I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
