just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
