I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
