What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
