btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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