Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
