She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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