I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
