and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
