this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
