sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
