I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
