so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
