i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
