On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
