I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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