I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
