i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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