Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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