Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
