Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
