so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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