forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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