Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
