After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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