There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
