I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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