weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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