At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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