Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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