Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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