I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
