I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
