In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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