i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
