If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
