Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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