Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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