Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
soo... how was my night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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