OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
