I am midnight drunk by noon
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
