cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
