remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
