I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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