i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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