My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
