So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
