This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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