Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
