I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
