So drunk its hurt
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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