i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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