If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
