Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
