What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
