Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
