shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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