HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
