Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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