so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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