Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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