If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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