have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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