I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
