How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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