sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize