I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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