i permit you to call me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
