Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh god it's open bar.
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