dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
