My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
