forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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