All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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