I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
