Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
